2020 was not without its share of unexpected surprises. It appears that COVID is not going to leave any time soon. Who would have guessed global pandemic followed by inept leadership and mass civil unrest? For all those out there who stamped your 2020 bingo cards remember there’s still 2021 to go if you’re holding out for the alien invasion or zombie apocalypse corner squares. Generations in the future will look back on these years, scratching their heads saying, “We have no idea what happened and we have so many questions.” We’re right there with you future humans. We need help surviving COVID, so here are some tips.
Most of the world is just trying to survive the year and hoping things will magically be better in January. Some are doing better than others. Everyone has their own little modifiers life gave us to guarantee a unique experience of our brave new world. For parents like us with kids on the autism spectrum, we somehow found ourselves playing the game of life on expert difficulty. I wish we had a hack or a cheat code to give us infinite energy or money, but alas we do not. We don’t even have a decent walkthrough to follow. What we do have is each other. Millions of parents worldwide going through similar misadventures trying to figure out how to survive COVID with kids on the spectrum. We have the ability to connect and support each other like never before. So here is our first little contribution.
10 Tips For Surviving COVID With An ASD Kiddo
1. Have Recess
Play is how children learn and who likes to learn in front of a computer, um, not me! Get them outside, go for a walk, play with bubbles, go for a bike ride, look for bugs, etc.. Unstructured play for the win! Establish expectations of boundaries, behavior, and time before beginning. Reward their good behavior!!!!!!
2. Use Visual Aids & Timers
We have a felt board that we attach our visual cards to. My youngest child has been running off with them and playing with them so I’ve given up on using them recently but will cue it up again in a few weeks when school starts. Sigh. Scream. Deep breaths. Most ASD families know that keeping to a routine is life. If you don’t keep to a routine, you prepare your child beforehand. If it is unexpected, you can use this as a teaching opportunity. You can say, “I’m going to have a good attitude with this, even though it was a surprise!” Showing your kids how to behave when circumstances don’t go your way, is a great way to exemplify how you want your child to react! Seeing a change will take some time, so be consistent and it will pay off!
Undoubtedly, we have these situations A LOT in our life, so we use this almost daily. In the meantime, to make things smoother, visual aids of daily tasks are super helpful. Sometimes I break them into smaller tasks, as having a whole board full of the day is a tad overwhelming, even for myself. We also use an hourglass sand timer for shorter activities and red, yellow, green light for break time. The timer that we use most often is the visual timer. My eldest has been annoyed with the noise when the time is up. I think she doesn’t like to be startled. Does anyone have any tips on this?
3. Heavy Work
What is heavy work? Heavy work is doing pushing or pulling activities with your body that calms the sensory system. These tasks help your brain develop new pathways so that when the kid is getting dysregulated, the feedback to calm will be faster. It takes time to develop these new connections. We had Tova in Occupational Therapy for a year and she still receives it through her IEP at school. Hands down, this is is the best way to get through the day or prepare for an activity that requires a calm body or to re-center them when you see them starting to go downhill. It is also a great redirecting tool. Mostly, I use it as a reset button. We could all use that, right?! Pre-COVID, I went to a seminar on Sensory Issues and Concerns and they described sensory needs in three ways: Tigger, Pooh Bear, and Eeyore.
Tigger is rambunctious, bouncy, and always on the go. Eeyore is depressed, melancholy, and sedentary. Pooh Bear is right in the middle. We want our kids to be a Pooh Bear; expressing feelings with a calm body and exhibiting emotions in an appropriate way. Depending on your child and where they land in the hundred-acre wood, you can tailor a sensory diet according to their needs. Hands-down, we have a Tigger. Tiggers are a wonderful thing… sometimes. Sometimes it’s too much. The bouncing off of door frames, counters, couches, tables, and relatives needs to be simmered down a bit. Their behavior is a form of communication and it is your job to read it when they don’t understand their needs. Obviously, you don’t want to snuff out their personality, just reel in their excitement a bit, until it is Winnie the Pooh appropriate.
4. Give Them Tools To Succeed
Do Zoom sessions with toys in front. (Keep in mind this was for my kiddo who is in grade 1) Bring out the Lego, or a coloring page, or play do. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. ADHD is strong with this one. Occasionally it’s more of a distraction, so when it is appropriate, we use the fidget spinner so she can be entertained with something while sitting there. I just realized our spinner broke and we need a new one! Added to the to-do list self, thank you. You’re welcome. Yes, I talk to myself a lot.
5. Scale Down
Break up the homework into pieces. Sometimes we break it into very, very small pieces. For example, for every question she did, we passed a bouncy ball back and forth. Of course, we switched the rewards frequently to things like hide & seek or a fruit snack or one lap in the pool. Some days that didn’t work and if she wasn’t in the mood for school (most days), I just said that we will try again after some activity, or if all else fails, try again tomorrow. If your kiddo is having a bad day, just let go of school expectations and focus on soft skills. This brings me to my next point below.
6. Social/Emotional Skills
Some days, it just doesn’t happen. So we work on social stories or books that emphasize these skills. The “Best Behavior Series” is one we have read many a time. I really like the “Cookies Series“. Most of our social/emotional books have been online now, as the libraries are closed! To all you bookworms out there, if you haven’t been introduced to thriftbooks.com, thank me later! (Unsponsored link, we just love it) The newest addition we added to our library is a book called Alphabreaths and it is a great calming tool for kids right before they go to sleep. It has ninjas, dinosaurs, and all sorts of fun ways to make your kiddo do some deep breathing without it being a chore.
7. Self Care
Cue the laughter. I know. It’s really, really, reallllllly hard to do. Yesterday, I washed my face and brushed my teeth and that was too long to leave my children alone. This is a huge challenge we face. A piano went flying across the room and two crying children were awaiting me. One had a bruise and bump beside her eye. I could just give up and say to myself, why do I even bother taking care of myself- but I want to challenge you to push through and continue taking care of yourself! Try to drink your favorite beverage, read, watch your fave show, do some deep breathing, or any form of self-care.
8. Healthy Food
Try your best to feed these picky children healthy, sensory-friendly food. Right now, our girly has her adult teeth pushing through. This is causing her pain and frustration while eating with four wiggly teeth at the same time. It is also making everything taste weird because of the blood. Note to self: one must have safe foods stocked in the pantry at all times for all hours of the day/night. However, having access to buying groceries online has been wonderful. I’d like to say one positive thing that has come out of this whole pandemic situation.
9. Sleep Routine
Especially during times of unknown, routines are a security and safety net for your kiddos. So, you want to keep to your sleep routine as much as possible! Routine is your friend.
10. Quality Time
Next, spend quality playtime with them every day, one on one, if possible. Another post to come on “Special Play Time” and all that we have learned through Parent-Child-Interaction-Therapy (PCIT). Quality playtime is focusing on what their hands are doing and saying what they are doing. This also improves their language, bonus! At the same time, you want to praise the good things they are doing: asking first before taking, gentle hands, using manners, sitting at the table, using an inside voice etc. This is a perfect time for modeling the behavior you want from them while pointing it out. For example, “I’m playing gently with the dinosaur”. The goal is to ignore negative behavior, avoid using No’s and Don’ts in speech, and develop a positive interaction together.
Furthermore, it takes time to rewire their brain from yay I get attention from negative behavior to oh I only get attention from positive behavior. This takes consistency but wow we have seen some pretty wildly amazing benefits from it. I’d highly recommend if you are having challenging behaviors with your kiddo to seek out PCIT through your insurance. This was a good option for us to figure out whether the behaviors were sensory, behavioral, or developmental. From there we were able to Occupation Therapy (OT) for sensory, get a referral for a diagnosis, and reduce some of the extreme behaviors.